Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
