Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
