Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
