my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
