i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
