I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
