i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Randomize
