her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
