Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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