I accidentally had phone sex last night
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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