I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
