I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
