All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
