But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize