remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
