another moral hangover. fuck.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Randomize