It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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