Christians are straight up FREAKS
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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