You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
