Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
