He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
