it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
