Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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