i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
