I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
