So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
