I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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