I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize