did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
