i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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