If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
try to milk me bitch
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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