Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
