it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
It's rum buckets o'clock
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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