I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
