somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
