I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize