so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
