if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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