I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
