but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
