I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Randomize
