You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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