so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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