You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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