After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
