I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
ttyl tear gas
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
