I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
