she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
