Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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