It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
All the doctor said was why
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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