After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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