Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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