We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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