tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
