when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
