1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
