I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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