He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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