Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
