u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Just fell off a train. Bad.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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