yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Randomize
