someone get that fucking seahorse.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
