yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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