she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
