Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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